DANI: CATALYTIC CONFURTER

Dani is a catalyst for many things, but most of all catastrophes.  Below are but a few.  Now I'm not saying efurrything's her fault (especially not the basil -- you'll see), but let's just call Dani a drama queen and leave it at that.

OK, all aboard the rollercoaster!

jj

Looks like Dani tried to smuggle herself out of the store in her own shopping bag -- wearing all of the shoplifted items to boot!  Well, actually give credit to Dani for not stealing boots, but not for all the other stuff she pilFURed, of course.

Yes, anyone of the male PURRSuasion should heed this warning.  Reminds me, I'll have to put the MALE  MAN on the 'Watch Out!' list.

Yes, don't stress her out or those seams will fall apart fur sure.  Even worse, she may need a BREAK.

Here's a little explanation for the next one.  The Brits, Canadians and Aussies are all quite familiar with the classic British sitcom called "Fawlty Towers" starring the iconic actor John Cleese.  The owner/operator of the 10-room bed and breakfast is none other than a character named Basil Fawlty.

Fawlty's machinations in trying to resolve any problem that may arise consistently result in disaster, be it minor or major.  Hilarity thou art a car crash.

If you'd like to get a taste of the real thing, it's free on YouTube.  Just Google "Fawlty Towers YouTube".

As for the situation below, the first speech bubble on the right is Dani answering the question at the top.  The second speech bubble comes from the left and then back and forth one more time.  I only tell you this because my husband had trouble figuring it out.

It's a little bit like 'Who's on First'.  Boy am I ever showing my age!

Now here's an oldie and I included it today because when I saw it again after all these years, it made ME laugh!  This is Ann of Zoolatry's angel-cat Zoey, she with the snaggletooth (Zoey, not Ann).

I have no words -- I'm dumbstruck.

And finally I did a lookalike.  Ann's June kitty has very large eyes, so I paired her with the actress, Mila Kunis, who has the same exceptional feature except she's not a cat.

At first glance you may think my PURRceptions are off,  but take a closer look.  They are both brunettes.  Even without the wig June is a verifiable brown tabby (with white).  Then OK I enhanced June's eyelashes, but they only serve to accentuate her large greenish eyes.

Mila and June both have short, cute little noses.  The cleft in June's nose echoes the medial cleft on Mila's uppurr lip.  And last but not least, they both have pouty mouths.  June manages to achieve this without actual lips.  Now that's quite a feat!   And speaking about feet of the feline variety you may find this video both aMEWSing and relaxing.  Q THE MEWSIC!

https://youtu.be/Y0p_BasJLKE

DANI AND HER THANKSGIVING CONUNDRUM

 I wasn't going to make a post for today, but then I thought why not give our American friends (in PURRticular) a giggle or a groan. Most are likely GROAN-ups, anyway.

We Canadians had our Thanksgiving back in October and this year it was a precedented disaster.  My son was supposed to come over for a turkey dinner, but cancelled because he sprained an ankle and wasn't physically able to manage it.  So if you knew my son (which you don't) you'd be aware of his run-on sentences which in some cases morph into run-on paragraphs, and then dissertations with nary a breath taken.  It's like a runaway train -- no breaks, get it?

Anyway the upshot was that my husband had to take over the dinner preparation because I was tied up on the phone, and he had never roasted a turkey before.  You'd think no real biggie, eh?

Several hours later when my son finally let me go, I went to check on things only to find that hubby was already carving the turkey.  I saw juices running out of the poor bird's stuffed cavity and they were PINK.

Bottom line is, it was too late to return the MEWtilated beast to the oven when most of its flesh was parted from its bones and the stuffing, having soaked in uncooked juices, was salmonella waiting for an unwitting victim.  However, because we were 'witting' it went into the kitchen waste recyle bin to fester. And the back end followed.  What a car crash, or in this purrticular case a car cass!

So I wish you all better luck on your day of thanks, and I also proffur some advice.

But first, here is Dani with her nod to the sacrificial bird.

The turkey had no idea about his fate and so was taken aback or GOBsmacked, as it were.  For those of you who may not be familiar with this informal British term, it means "utterly astounded or astonished".  I figure it's appropriate for a gobbler to be gobsmacked, especially when it learns how humans tend to gobble it up; stuffing it and its prepared stuffing into their eagerly awaiting gobs. And they then have the nerve to refer to the noble turkey as a gobbler!

Just ask yourself, who's doing the actual gobbling here?

So consider the plight of the turkey having to first listen to what could only be considered 'gobbledy-gook' all its life before it is summarily sentenced to a fate no creature in existence should have to endure. And to top it off (excuse the expression), they have no say.

I say:  "Let's talk turkey."

Pee Ess:  I couldn't leave it there, could I?  Not without showing you our precedent for disaster.  Witness our turkey for Christmas 2013:

We nicknamed it "Frankenturkey".

Enjoy!

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: DANI FULLY FILTERED

 

DANI: ON BEING GUESTED AND GHOSTED

Dani's been wanting to find another kitty friend because she's real tired of Dada and I during this pandemic.

So today Dani has invited June from Ann's Zoolatry blog to be her guest star.  June is still a toddler, but Dani thinks she can help her along by teaching her efurrything she knows (O Noes!).

Apparently these little guys will eat just about anything that will go down their tiny throats.  So don't worry about hedgehogs competing for your food.  They're happy eating bugs (and the grubbier, the better).

 

Hi Gene!  Do you think you could come over and give Dani a lesson in COVID PURRotocol?

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Well, get a different job so you won't be a Tech Style anymore, 

and learn to ride a bike, willya?

And when you bite into it, it turns into a POP-over!

So now it's time to welcome June to Dani's blog.  June has never been a guest star before, so she's very excited about it.

Well, now June has gone all hyPURR on us.  If I didn't know better, I might think she was going to batter up all those bats and deep-fry 'em.  Take my advice, little one, and just bat your big, beautiful eyes at them.  Then you won't have to go to jail.

You'd be a natural at poke-her!

So now Dani has the great idea of introducing June to her angel-sisfur Domino who absolutely adores polka-dots.  So much so, that Domino has even taken up Dominoes.  And she wants to teach June how to play.  

Even with Domino's spotty record, she still earned her angel wings (which also have tiny, almost invisible dots).  However, they don't like you to gamble in PURRadise. That's why she visits Earth so she can still have a good game of Dominoes, and maybe make a little moulah on the side (for charity, of course).

So after meeting June for the furst time, Domino invited her to come over on Saturday for some tea, some dominoes, and of course for Domino herself.  After all junior June looks at Domino as being her mentor, especially when it comes to all things dotty.

"There is no dotted line I woodn't cross for Domino (eggcept fur the Pearly Gates).  I is much too yung for that"  says June after careful consideration.

Even the teaset has polka-dots! (Not surprising really.)

Well-spotted, June.

And don't worry about Dani.  She's got more than all the time in the world  -- infinity, in fact -- to catch up with Domino.  So now that Domino's gone back home, Dani can get to know June better.

Besides Dani's not really into playing dominoes, only in CATmunicating with her winged sisfur.  All is well that never ends.

So all I have to say about that is

SPOT ON!

☄️

-

DANI: OH BABY!

 Here Dani is literally (and litterally) a baby at around eight weeks of age.  Of course, being a cat, she took to the litter box with no problem.  It may be the only place where actual 'littering' is a plus.

So, I have been fiddling around with the new software that is compatible with my Apple iPad.  Come to think of it, Dani is pretty 'come-PAT-able' herself.

As a cost-saving measure I am trialing a bunch of different apps.  So instead of having one app that does everything you could ever want in the way of photo-editing, I have currently installed five smaller and cheapurr apps (don't worry, most of them have been under $5 apiece).

"I'mma good piece a' soft wear" interjects Dani.  "But I'm not cheap.  I fink all dat stuff yoo got wuz old, Mama. Itz kinda outta date -- like yoo."

Thank you for that interruption, Dani.  Keeping everything straight in my head isn't easy and this doesn't help.  Oh well, everyone already knows I haven't got my head on straight -- it truly is more than just a little wonky.  

As usual, I digress.

I have used the same photo of Dani for each of two effects.  

Dani loves the blazes out of this one!  I highlighted the orange patch of fur mid-forehead.

"I wuz sucha HOT BABE efun as a liddle kitten" says she delightedly.

This is a much tamer effect -- much more lovey-dovey even if it is kinda crumby.  You will note that her natural forehead marking still stands out even without sparks.

I'm finally making good use, too, of those Cookies that almost every business website wants you to accept.  I would call them 'bar cookies' because if you don't accept them they'll bar you from doing anything at all.

"As fur me" starts Dani "I doan evun like dese kinda cookies.  De only wuns I like is acktual cat treets."

So I guess we are in agreement that the kind of cookies that we don't like are a real nuisance.  They only let strange people target you for ads and spam mail.

Anyway, Dani is still showing the love.  If you're not gonna eat 'em, you might as well use them to send PAWSitive messages out to the world.

"I wud play ball wif anywun who giffs me dese kinda Cookies!  Got it?"

GOOD!

DANI: SOMETHING NEW AND SOMETHING OLD

 So, I've had a major setback.  My much-loved and aged computer has curled up in the fetal pawsition and I'm not sure if it's going to make it.  So I can't access my treasure trove of picture files right now.  I'm sure (well sort of) that they are backed up and can be resuscitated at some point, though the same can't be said for the PC.

Anyway, for now I'm using my iPad which has some of my more recent pictures, but the darn thing is so small it's hard to work with.  So here are my first efforts at making funnies.  I had to use different editing tools which takes time to learn and they didn't offer the flexibility I'm accustomed to.

In any event here we go with Dani starring upfront, as usual, with some surprise guests stars after that.  Just click on the images if you want to make them larger.

Have you ever thought of "One ringy-dingy, Two ringy-dingy"?

It's on the other side, you dingbat!

It's all a matter of degrees.

(Misogynists might want to skip this one)

Dani, don't be a loofah!

Now here's where we change over to our guest stars, some of whom you know.  These LOLs, as they called them at the time, come from my very own LOL-Spot, which I had from about 2010 to 2013.  So I am poaching from myself of olde.   I always asked for permission before using fellow cat bloggers' pictures back then.   I've been reading through them slowly and think I was funnier in the old days (when I wasn't so old).

To be civil, one must furst sieve ill from their brain.

This is Ann of Zooltry's angel cat, Maggie.

Looks like real BAA'd news for Kjelle Bus!

 This one is from Sweden.  Their blog ended in 2016 but it's still available to view.

It gives me the 'Willies' just thinking about it.

This is Paula Gregg's darling Truffle from "Sweet Purrfections".

This is a cat Gargoyle.  Dani says "I fink dis issa relatif ov mine cuz she's call'd Gar Goyle an' dey calls me Dani Goyle!  Isn't she jus' so pritty?"

Maybe she can help you keep an Open Door Pawlicy.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY WITH DANI: FIRST BYTE OF THE APPLE

 

DANI'S SOUP KITCHEN: SOUPER TIME!

 

Today we are bringing you a variety of soups, some of which we're sure you've never sampled.  But once again we've provided the links to the recipes so you can give them a try if you're up for it.

Warning:  This is a long post, so don't go postal on me!  Relax and read it at your leisure.

Anyone making an appointment with Dr. Dani should furst make a wish.  She keeps a wishbone at the ready just for such circumstances.  And don't be wishy-washy about it or you may end up in the soup!

In my opinion they should garnish the doctor's wages -- in this case taking the lumps (and eating them) is tantamount to malpractice.  It may not qualify as Catnibblism, but it's definitely not good practice to consume any of your patients' parts.  Ew!  Shades of Hannibal Lecter.  I wonder what wine he would pair with that.

https://www.wokandkin.com/chicken-feet-soup/

Dani is rather 'brazen' for a door-to-door sales rep.  Usually, you don't wear your product.  Normally images in your CATalogue should suffice.  Notice Dani has utilized her brazenness in naming her business as well i.e., bra zen bows. When pronounced phonetically it actually sounds like 'Bras and Bows'.

Going door to door, a thought occurred to me (Oh no!).  Purrhaps Dani should expand her product line to include Door Knockers which would serve both her needs and those of the client.  A knock on the door is much more difficult to ignore when it has the power and prestige of a well-fashioned door-knocker behind it.  And she could show off her knockers without stripping down to her unnawares.

Unfortunately, my propensity for puns is also likely to set me off in the direction of dredging up Gnocch-Gnocch Jokes.  I hope you can bear with me during this difficult time.

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/218794/chicken-and-gnocchi-soup/

Even though Sox is the lead singer, I always love it when Dani hums us a tune.  Eating hummus over the years has served her well -- in more ways than one.  Her voice changes and becomes more throaty, likely from the hummus coagulating down deep in her 'maw'.  And please note, that is in no way a reference to me.

I do think they need a humdrum to ramp up the beat for their band, though.  Less ho-hum if you know what I mean.  Oh, and they call themselves "The Humbles" though they are anything but.  I think Humpty Dumpty would be a better name, though it's likely to spawn an argument over who's Humpier and who's Dumpier.

Also, since Christmas is coming up sooner than later, they should get a healthy helping of 'Bug-Off' to obliterate those Humbugs.  (Healthy for us, that is -- not so much for the bugs.)

And, of course, here's hoping the New Year will be a Humdinger!

https://www.kopiaste.org/2007/11/houmous-soup-chick-peas-soup/

Finally, in an effort to bring you a Soup to Nuts encore, I engaged Mr. Sox in the role of a 'regular' guy. It only became clear once we were underway, that he was not a good candidate when it comes to the main requirement.  Rather he turned out to be highly irregular, though it was not something that even he was aware of.  His fluff disguised his lack of stuff, if you get my drift.

Upon discovering he was bereft of nutmeats, Sox was quite distraught.  Whoa, whoa!   

Nut to worry, though.  We bought him a wooden spoon (to eat his soup with) and an endless supply of meatballs.

I don't know if you'd call him a regular guy, but he sure is ballsy!

https://natashaskitchen.com/moms-meatball-soup-recipe/

Try it, you'll like it!

FOREVER REMEMBERED

 

DANI'S SOUP KITCHEN: BLURRED LINES

 Dani's been soooooo busy lately researching, cooking and eating all these soups.  She doesn't like to write about what she doesn't know.  

She had to pooh-pooh the Pootine Soup from the last post, but other than that it's been paws up all the way!

Sox has been enlisted to purrform a role that Dani simply couldn't.  That one is chock full of innuendo, but in the endo it all worked out.

Today Dani is starting off with an eco-friendly soup, though her efforts to save the planet aren't always respected by some others (who shall be nameless).

"I needs ta Echo dis Environmental E-PISS-ALL so de Entiretee of da Erf's peepulls acts as a singull Entitty ta save da Planit." says Dani out of breath.

I agree with you Dani, before you can do anything you have to Plan It.

https://www.chopstickchronicles.com/ozoni-miso-soup-mochi-rice-cake/

"I gess I broke da Cardinal Rule" sighs Dani.

Badminton -- it gives 'Watch the Birdie" a whole new meaning!

https://travelfoodatlas.com/chinese-birds-nest-soup-delicacy

Dani seems quite happy to take Sox's offur even if inflation has made it less budget-friendly.  And as to non-monetary inflation ... well, that's between Dani and Sox.

https://www.saltandlavender.com/creamy-sausage-soup/

So, if you thought that last one was bad, get a load of this.  

No, it's not racy in the least, but definitely what I'd call

 "off the wall"!

This time around Dani claims to be a Turkish Wallwalker who works part-time walking the aisles at Walmart to restock the shelves, and who has a fetish (what she calls a 'feetish') for walls.  So for simplicity's sake let's just call her a TURKISH WALL NUT!

To cement her lunacy, she also thinks that because she wears a turkey hat on her head, that makes her Turkish.  Well, sorta-ish, I guess.  It doesn't hurt that she also uses a Turkish spoon (i.e., a spoon depicting a turkey) to lend to that wishful fantasy. 

In real life Dani does like turkey (one of her faves), and also likes to be fed with a spoon.  And because I have indulged her, who am I to say what's real and what's not?

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/218489/turkish-walnut-soup/

Adding to this blurry line is the following:

This is Dani's Dada holding her.  His name is ... WALTER!

And every Christmas I attempt to sing him this song:

"Walnuts roasting on an open fire ..."

And that's when he gets up and leaves.

Speaking of leaving, it's time to wrap it up.  But before I go I want to point out that I have now fulfilled my promise to bring you efurrything  FROM:

TO ...