Monday, July 26, 2021

DANI: WHAT A HOOT!

 Dani kitten is really up for a good laugh.  She thinks owls are hilarious.


Dani’s love for owls is even demonstrated in her fashion choice.  She is covered in them from neck to knees.

“I fink owls is a hoot” she guffaws.  “Efurry time I says ‘hi’, Mistah Owl asks ‘Who???’  I’m beginnin’ ta fink owls only noes wun word.  Eiver dat or dey can’t wemembers anyfin’.”



So that night I read Dani the poem called “The Owl and The Pussycat” (by Edward Lear).  After that she seemed to have a lot more respect for owls and thought it was ‘so row mantical’ that they ended up dancing by the light of the moon (after rowing a boat, of course).

Dani said “It was impawtant fur dem ta co-moonicate.  Havin’ da same voCATbulary reely helps.”

Now her love for owls is much deeper and more meaningful than before.

“I luvs owls o’ all shapes, sizes an’ cultchas” says she.  “Frum now on, I is only gonna has a hoot at hootenannies.

OWL-LAY-LOO-YA!


Friday, July 23, 2021

DANI: LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY

What is Dani’s fafurite dinner?   No need to wonder any longer because she has declared that it is:

She's just waiting for the chipmunks to chow down on all those chips before she digs in.  

To be honest, Dani doesn't really like the chips, but the chipmunks hoover them right off her plate so the fish is front and foremost, ready to be relished (and I don’t mean pickled).

Dani appurreciates the ‘eau de chipmunk’ and funky flavour that the little beasts lend to the fish.  In other words, Dani looks upon chipmunks as condiments!


Dani admits that she has a pint-sized chip on her shoulder, however.

"Dey fink it’s a all-yoo-kin-eat buffay but dey nevah chips in fur da cost.”


Despite their PAWcity of funds, Dani has to admire the chipmunk work ethic.


"Dey is regulah liddle beevahs" remarks Dani.  "Dey're teefs is verreh sharp.  Look at all da wood chippin' dey did!"

This begs the question (of course):  "How much wood could a chipmunk chip if a chipmunk could chip wood?"  And the answer is:  Piles and piles!  Chipmunks are the pylons of the wood chip industry because they just keep piling it on!


I guess it's because they're all 'chips off the old block'.  For their size they are making a great contribution to the wood chip biz.  Think of all the wood-smoked BBQs you can have!


Dani has reconsidered and no longer carries a chip on her shoulder.  She has her chippy chappies beside her where they belong, and she has bought each of them a large order of chips as a reward.

"I purrsonally wonts ta condiment yoo --  oops, compliment yoo -- on all yoor hard work.  No need ta chip in cuz yoo alreddy has."  

And with that, Dani drinks in the tantalizing aromas from the tiny beasts who lend such flavour and bouquet to her meals.  She is finished with the self-FISHness and feels a lot more chippurr because of it.

          
Cheeky!





Tuesday, July 20, 2021

DANI WISHES THINGS COULD BE BEDDER

Dani just can't take it anymore -- but for some reason it keeps on happening.


Even after all the sheet that she has taken, Dani still thinks the world would be a better place if more of us gave a sheet. 


"So get yoor sheet togeddah!" proclaims Dani.


"An' den yoo kin makes yoor bed and lie in it."

Sleep tight!




Friday, July 16, 2021

DANI: THE PATH TO AUTHENTICITY

There is something I would like to address
Something which causes me lotsa distress
And though it happened a long time ago
It was something I couldn't possibly know

My Mama is truly extremely obsessed
With buying me outfits and getting me dressed
When I was a kitten I had no choice
But now that I'm four, I've found my voice

I have not only told her in uncertain terms
To leave me alone or I'll make her eat worms
But now she can't even test out my threat
Due to something that only nature'd beget

I got so big that nothing would fit
And did that bother me?  No, not one little bit
But Mama still needs some therapy
So we'll both be free authentically!










Tuesday, July 13, 2021

DOES DANI'S THEORY REALLY FLY?

 Dani's witnessing a fly-by with a difference. 

Dani says "Dere is lotsa miffs (make that myths) about flies.  Speshully in da Inglish langwage.  An' heer is but a few."


"Fur instance, how duz yoo fly by da seat a yoor pants ...

... wen yoor fly is open?"


"Den dey claims dat time flies."


"An' ta illustrate it dey always puts fake wings onna clock.  Acourse we all noes dat dis is imPAWSible!"

"Da only way dat time kin fly is if REAL flies wear watches.  Duh!"


"An' finally efurrywun says at sum point dat dey'd like ta be a "fly on da wall" (like itz a good fing), but ...



... den dey jus' brings in da SWAT TEAM!"






"PURRSonally, I jus' prefurs ta eat 'em."