DANI: ASCOTS R US

Dani’s Mama asked her Dada to go out and pick up an ‘ascot’ for a fancy dress party they were going to.

Now one thing you have to know is that Dada usually gets things mixed up.  In some cases you end up getting the exact opposite of what you asked for.

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This is an ascot.  Akin to a men's tie but usually has the tail end tucked loosely into the top of a shirt.

And this is what Dada brought home! 

 (We already had the cat, of course.)

Dani was happy because the ‘ass cot’ fit her purrfectly.  It was so cozy and comforting, and she could go outside in the garden and just relax in luxury.

“I dunno why havin’ yoor ass inna sling is supposta be a bad fing” remarks Dani.  “Me an’ my ass feels kwite pampurred.  Wat da yoo say, Don?”

“Yup” says he.

Dani was happy but Mama wasn't, so Dada went back to the store and this is what he came back with:

 “Well you said it was for a fancy ‘dress’ party” said Dada to Mama.  “So I’m wearing a fancy dress.

No Ifs, Ands, or Asses about it."

Meanwhile, Dani decided to pull something else out of her arsenal:

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"Not all ascots is fur yoor ass" says Dani.  "Summa dem yoo kin wear ‘round yoor neck --see!  I likes dem cuz dey has ties to da ‘passed’.  So reely dey're all about efurry wun of us."

Please don't start with the fart jokes, Dani. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!

"Relax" says Dani.

(And that's when it happened.)