DANI'S STEAMING OVER THIS!

Here is Dani living her "Steampunk" fantasy.  A brief description of Steampunk from Wikipedia, follows:

"Steampunk is a subgenre of science fiction that incorporates retrofuturistic technology and aesthetics inspired by 19th-century industrial steam-powered machinery.  Steampunk fiction is often set in an alternative history of the Victorian Era or the American Wild West."

"Well, dis is wun way ta get high" says Dani. "B-sides de air is coolah up heer."

Dani tried to style herself after this sophisticated Steampunk Pussycat.  Looks like she did a pretty good job, though I think she could have done without the fake eyelashes. Her natural beauty is prefurable anyway, in my opinion.

"Dere's absolootly nuffin nachural about Steampunk" opines Dani.  "Dat's why itza fanta-see -- See?"

Steampunk Bird 

NOT for dinner

Steampunk Insect

NOT for dinner

Steampunk Fish

Reminds me of my latest catch-phrase ...

NOT for dinner

Steampunk Dragon

Will have YOU for dinner!

"Come ta finks of it, I'm gettin' a noo Fanta-see cuz dere's nuffin' ta eat in da World a' Steampunk.”

Dani lashes out:  "I quits!”

  

"An' hats off ta me -- all I needs is sum fast food an' a shovel."

Dada get shoveling!!!

Dani's Shovel

"I tried to be a Steampunkah but now I jus' hasta shove off!

No hawd feelings doe."

LIFE ISN'T A FANTASY

MAKE SURE YOUR HEART'S IN THE RIGHT GEAR

Ya hear?

SACK IT TO YOU, DANI!

Dani got sacked, but it didn't really bother her since she didn't have a job anyway.

BECAUSE IT'S A LOT EASIER TO 'HIT THE SACK' WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY IN IT!

Dani thinks sacking should be reserved for the following:

"Sack races wif yoor bestest furiends or evun yoor ancestahs."

Dante and Dani look pretty evenly matched.  I wonder who'll trip first?

"SACKray Bleu!  There goes my SACKroiliac" yelps Dante.

(Editor’s Note1: 'Sacre Bleu' is a French expression of surprise, exasPURRation or dismay.)

Dani has extended her fashion choices to include 'sack dresses'.  Though normally one wouldn't be caught dead in a sack dress, this frock is made with gold fabric and thread and is currently 'de rigueur'.  To top it off it comes from the famed 'Saks Fifth Avenue’.  You'd think they'd know how to spell "Sacks" by now.  After all they've been in the business since 1867.

"I mus' say it giffs me PAWS" says Dani.

(Editor's Note2:  'De rigueur' is another French term meaning "demanded by fashion or custom" and does NOT have anything to do with 'rigor mortis' which is something that would happen if you WERE caught dead in it.)

But the best kind of sack, according to Dani, is the ‘Dinner Sack’ that comes with deliveries.

"Yoo kin evun gets 'SACKi' wif yoor sushi if yoo wonts."

she says.  

 

Even so, a delivery sack still can't compare with a sushi dinner in the restaurant.  

"Dere's nuffin kwite like haffin' friends fur dinnah.  An' aftahwords yoo kin take da survivahs home in a sack (wun-uppin' ye olde doggy bag).

Sacks is environmentelly-furiendly, too, cuz yoo kin reuse dem -- sumfin like yoor furiends!”

DANI!!!  How many times have I told you we don’t reuse our friends, we RECYCLE them?

I suppose efurrything in life requires some sort of SACKrifice.

Friend or Faux?

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY WITH DANI: MADAME BUTTERFLY

 

DANI'S TRENDY TRIO

What is a trend, really?  If history is any predictor it's something that's in style or in vogue at a PURRticular time and then may circle around again in a new iteration.

Well, Dani has taken some of her previous fashion choices and is recycling them here today, changed up to make them seem up-to-date.

Dani says:  "I'm always up fur datin'.  I jus' hasn't found anywun yet."

Pretty in PURRple

Sex A-Teal Galore!

8

In the Navy!

"Is all kwite surreal really" says Dani.

DANI'S REGAL HAIRITAGE

 Dani is proud of her Maine Coon HAIRitage (and believe me, there's lots of hair to be proud of).

Although Dani may focus on some of the finer things in life, at times, she has always been a straight-shooter.

"Yes, I'm always verreh careful dat I doan miss my littahbox.  I'm kwite PURRistine about fings like dat."

Not only does Dani take 'No Bull', she's adamantly against any kind of bullshit.

"If yoo doan has a bull, den yoo doan hasta worry about fings like dat."

Dani likes to give credit to her Great, Great, Great, Great ............. Uncle, King Dante.  He is a legendary Maine Coon who ruled his 3-D Kingdom with good sense, good grace and an awesome PURResence.

"I is PURRoud ta be a D-sendant of King Dante.  He had da 

D-NA of our ancester -- da mitey LION.

An' he has 'passed' dat along ta me."

Oh no!  Not again!!!

"Dante is, an' always will be, da wind beneaf my wings." remarks Dani.

Where there is wind there's always the PAWSibility of hail.  

So All Hail King Dante

No-Bull One

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY WITH DANI: WINGING IT!

 

DANI: FELONIOUS FELINE OR PAMPURRED PUSSYCAT?

Dani's in trouble.

The cops are calling in their top milk splatter exPURRts to the 'seen of the crime'.  Once you’ve seen it, you’ll never be able to unsee it — even with your eyes closed.

From what I've seen there is plenty of evidence.  Someone has crushed the cereal to bits and splattered milk all over the place.  And there doesn’t appear to be any humans in the vicinity.

But the PURRime suspect is keeping mum. 

"Mum?"  asks Dani.  

“Yes, your Mum.  She seems to be missing.  What did you do with her?”

"She lock'd herself in da bafroom" says Dani.  "At first dere wuzza lot a screemin’ an’ den she musta felt flush’d cuz datz wot she did ovah an’ ovah again.”

Well, at least that's one mystery solved.  I’d flush myself down the toilet, too, rather than face this!

Once the milk splatter exPURRts arrived they took samples of the milk stains and snapped shots of them while the regular cops bagged the crumbs and swabbed Dani's mouth. 

However, Dani just ate it -- the swab that is.  "I is yoosed ta furballs" she says, though she immediately regrets the cotton mouth. 

"I jus' didn't cotton on to it." she said after throwing up on the carpet.  Oh well, what's one more splatter?

"Now that's what we call tamPURRing with evidence" counter the cops quite crankily.  And there's nothing worse than a cranky cop, especially when you've been caught milking it for all it’s worth.

So Dani was arrested for being a cereal killer, milk splatterer and evidently —  a tamPURRer.  It was a veritable crime sPURRee (or was it?).

Mama called her lawyer who arranged to get a bucket to bail her out.

Later in court, the judge dismissed the case right off the bat.  (Maybe that's why they call her 'batty'.)

"Hold on, here" says the judge.  "Dani's not the one who killed the cereal!  The real culPURRit is the farmer who cut down the wheat.  And as for spilling the milk, that's nothing to cry about. What a waste of time and taxpayer's money!"

So Dani was allowed to go home once more, but Mama made her cough up for a carpet cleaning (seems like karma to me!).

Now Dani wants to grow up and be a judge.  At least she has the right mindset for it:

Dani is looking forward to issuing 'gag orders' and indiscriminately wielding that gavel to shut efurryone up.  

Not everything is a crime just because you don't like it.

"Sumtimes reel justice, just is." 

SPOONING WITH DANI

Even though Dani came from a Maine Coon Cattery, she was not born with a silver spoon in her mouth, or any spoon for that matter.

Right from the start Dani was, shall we say, PURRticular and her picky nature hasn't changed one iota since then.

Dani has always been finicky about her food, especially the wet stuff.  Dada has gone above and beyond keeping notes about what she will eat and what she won't.  Lately Dada has threatened to stop buying the canned food, but being the softy he is, hasn't carried through.

So instead of just giving her the dry food, Dada gave something else a try -- and it worked!

Believe it or not, Dani will eat her food off a spoon!  She actually licks most of it off, but when the spoon is piled high she'll try to sink her teeth into it -- normally resulting in it falling to the surface below.  And then she licks it from there.  Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway) she's quite the messy eater.

However, the upshot of all this is that her wet food gets eaten.  She usually eats most of it, but of course, being the PURRsnickety kitty that she is, she is duty-bound to leave just a bit behind.  To her credit, she will finish this off the next time, as long as it's on a spoon.

  "Dada tole me foods is reely good inna greasy spoon ...

Dani is quite exhausted after all of this spoon business.

"So I is gonna make like a spoon an' rest." says she.

"Heer fishy, fishy -- now doan be koi."

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: VINTAGE DANI

 

DANI: ASCOTS R US

Dani’s Mama asked her Dada to go out and pick up an ‘ascot’ for a fancy dress party they were going to.

Now one thing you have to know is that Dada usually gets things mixed up.  In some cases you end up getting the exact opposite of what you asked for.

J

This is an ascot.  Akin to a men's tie but usually has the tail end tucked loosely into the top of a shirt.

And this is what Dada brought home! 

 (We already had the cat, of course.)

Dani was happy because the ‘ass cot’ fit her purrfectly.  It was so cozy and comforting, and she could go outside in the garden and just relax in luxury.

“I dunno why havin’ yoor ass inna sling is supposta be a bad fing” remarks Dani.  “Me an’ my ass feels kwite pampurred.  Wat da yoo say, Don?”

“Yup” says he.

Dani was happy but Mama wasn't, so Dada went back to the store and this is what he came back with:

 “Well you said it was for a fancy ‘dress’ party” said Dada to Mama.  “So I’m wearing a fancy dress.

No Ifs, Ands, or Asses about it."

Meanwhile, Dani decided to pull something else out of her arsenal:

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"Not all ascots is fur yoor ass" says Dani.  "Summa dem yoo kin wear ‘round yoor neck --see!  I likes dem cuz dey has ties to da ‘passed’.  So reely dey're all about efurry wun of us."

Please don't start with the fart jokes, Dani. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!

"Relax" says Dani.

(And that's when it happened.)